Parting Gifts

Got this message from a Londoner... wanting to come here and meet me... too good to be true...

So when something's too good to be true, usually it is...

Hero

So it's over... that'll teach me to dive into a relationship without the dating part... but it worked for some people... apparently I am not one of those people then. Sigh...

It's for the best... although I liked the package, something was missing and I don't see a future there...

Here's to you, we had a good time but that was it. Just a good time. I need more. Sorry...

I Will Remember You

Not sure if this is the smartest thing I have ever done... but hey, I have done my fair share of stupidity... so today I found myself in a relationship... yup, you read right...

Finally...

I don't do this stuff normally... I'd rather date and find out about the person and such, but in the past, I'd end up alone... so I am trying something new...

He talked me into it. We met once yesterday. Spent the night together. Had sex like 6 times and in the morning, we are boyfriendly.

It helps that he is super cute. Good God I think I am shallow...

The Bachelor Party

I've been dating lately but it's not exactly a date when the guy is taken right?

Wonder why all these boyfriendly guys (rightfully so coz they have boyfriends) keep asking me out? Messaging me and wants to get to know me...

The thing about going out with these people is that you find them quite interesting and nice, but you know you can't have them...

That's the story of my life... sigh...

Sense and Sensitivity

Things are mucho loco at the office lately... I think it has to do with contract renewals... suddenly the higher ups are all hyper sensitive to everything and is following the rules like no one's business... just to impress the higher higher ups...

There's even accusations of dealing money under the table...

Bull la these people... not only do you underpay us, but you work us to the bone... and now you're making life actually miserable in the office... something has to be done...

Rm w/a Vu

Hmm, lessee... work sucks, no pay raise, no bonus, no increase in annual leave, no everything...

Love life sucks... I date and I date but nothing seems to work out... most of them are emotionally scarred and did not trust a person at all and seemed to think that while casually dating, one should cut oneself off of from the social scene altogether...

Social life is also on the fritz... sigh...

Life at home is also bad... the housemate has failed to pay rent yet again... two months rent already... I keep asking and asking and he kept giving excuses... I might ask him to move out next month, if this persists...

I also plan to kill that bitch ex-colleague of mine who still fails to pay even a single cent of my money back... she's living it up while I have to slum it... this bitch and the housemate is making my life miserable... I should kick their faces in...

I Fall To Pieces

Something's just doomed before it started... :(

Oh well, gotta move on...

Hmm, suddenly experiencing a lot of backlash from friends...

In the Dark

I think I am falling... but ordinarily when that happens, my heart gets stomped to pieces... no wait, the pieces get stomped to pieces... sigh...

Lonely Hearts

I have been dating this one guy lately. I like him. He's cute. Definitely my type.

But with my luck, he'll end up with someone else after a while. Sigh...

In other news, my housemate's eating every food I have in sight. He says he'll buy em back but I am not so sure... sigh...

City Of...

I got a housemate now. Just to ease the burden of paying the rent.

He has been living with me for the past week or so. And now I am seeing a pattern. He is kinda taking advantage of the fact that I like to have a fully stocked fridge and pantry.

I need to talk to him tonite and lay down the ground rules. The last time I had housemates, and I let that one housemate walk all over me... I was miserable... not again.

Chosen

Hmm, kinda appropriate that the title of this post is the title of the final episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

My part time stint during the weekends is coming to an end.

Am deeply saddened coz I love doing it. Sigh.

The silver lining? I now have my weekends free to pursue whatever it is that I wanna pursue. Or go back to my hometown and be with family...

The cloud? Money won't be enough to do anything... :(

End of Days

I realize that I've left out some friends in the celebration of my birthday. I promise I'll make it up to them.

This was the longest I've ever celebrated a birthday. Almost every day during the whole week.

It's nice to feel appreciated and I've gotten some nice presents too. :)

Even the people who I anticipated would not remember my birthday... remembered...

And starting tomorrow, I am attempting a slight change...

Touched

I am jealous.

Of a colleague.

He is constantly surrounded by guys. Some of them are hot.

While I am not.

I guess I am not that sociable. But even if I wanted to, I am kinda awkward with guys, especially guys I like.

Sigh. Slowly but surely, the guys talk to me but I think that's mostly coz the colleague is always hanging around me... oh well...

Empty Places

Got a few days off. Took off to hometown to see family. Yup, all on my own accord. They were shocked to see me back. Everything was okay back home. Mom was not overwhelming. The food was great. I am fatter now... hehehe...

But I cut the time off back home short because we planned a party and I was kinda roped in as one of the organizers. And I was supposed to go to Penang for assignment. So I left what was probably a very good visit with the family to come back to KL, only to find out that both had been canceled.

All kinds of cuss words escape my lips. This will not happen again.

Dirty Girls

Am resisting the urge to go to the Book Fair... need to be strong... need to wean myself off of that feeling...

He asked me today if I was going... I said no... even though I wanted to...

I think it's the right thing to do... getting my heart used to the absence... sigh...

Lies My Parents Told Me

It's time for a change.

I've started to cut myself off of bad elements that's plagued me before, like evil exes, hehehehe.

I've also taken up more responsibility at work so I am married to work now.

Guess that's good since my financials are a bit of a mess at the moment.

But there would be no more outings for me... scratch fun off of my vernacular... unless I steal a bit of time from work and go out for a little bit... sigh...

Lucky I love my job so much...

Storyteller

Hot off the press!! I've known this for quite some time and I've experienced it to some extent. But now, I think it's gone too far.

People in the office love to talk about my sexuality. To other people. In my presence, luckily. Not that I could do anything about it. They'd blurt it out a lot. Sigh.

Today, I was in a meeting with the big boss and somehow they were talking about gays and roped me in. They talked about my sexuality and the fact that I am still manly even thought I love men. In front of my boss!!

I had to not look him in the eye coz he was looking straight at me. Did not know what else to do. Luckily for me, he recovered after one minute and continued on with the meeting.

Hope this won't affect me in any way.... sigh...

Get It Done

The date sucked. Sigh...

Moving on...

It's April tomorrow. Last year, April was such a good time for me. Specifically, 10 days of April. The Kuala Lumpur International Book Fair.

I was posted there to man the company booth. Guess who else was there? Yup. Him. Gosh, I haven't blogged about him for the longest time. #1 Crush. Sigh.

He was there for 10 days as well. We were kinda inseparable. Lunches together. Sometimes dinner. The occasional bowling or karaoke. He even cooked dinner at my place one night. He finished his shift early so he'd wait at my booth until I was done. Altogether now... awwww, so sweet...

Is he a good cook? Sure. But he has a tendency to overuse the turmeric thus turning my kitchenware yellow. Took me months to get that stain out. Hehhehe.

It was a great time and I missed those days when we were quite close. Nowadays, I am lucky if I get a YM message once a month... sigh...

Okay, so we were chatting in one of those rare moments that we chatted... and he asked if I was manning the booth at the Book Fair again...

I am touched that he remembered. Unfortunately, things happened and I am no longer involved in events, so I won't be working at PWTC this time around. I told him that and I also mentioned that I missed hanging out with him like last time (it's been almost six months now... last I was with him was watching Wall-E...) and that I had a good time during the Book Fair.

I remember having a fit when a friend of mine expressed interest in going to the book fair to see him and hoping that he'd get some action from #1 Crush. #1 Crush showed me the message and told me that he doesn't know who it was. I was quite hysterical and I blurted out, in front of #1 Crush, that #1 Crush was mine and that the friend had no right doing what he's doing.

Can't recall what his reaction was coz I wasn't looking at him. Fuming mad. He just said that he did not plan to meet the guy and he was not going to reply to the message. I thought I went over the line but #1 Crush did not stop seeing me afterwards so I guess it was alright.

Anyway, I told #1 Crush that it was too bad I am not working the Book Fair and that we could have hung out. He pffft my statement and said that we could still hang out coz my office is near PWTC anyway. Yes, I could not stop smiling.

But I know how these things goes. I'd be all hyper and happy but it would end up horribly as in he'd be too busy for me or he'd simply forget. I am prepared for anything. I haven't seen him in 6 months, why should it be any different now right? Well, now he's so near to me... sigh...

First Date

It's been quite some time since I had a day off. Almost two weeks of non-stop working. This week is the UMNO General Assembly.

Yesterday, I stayed in the office until 1am. Today also. Sigh.

And no, there's no overtime. Sigh.

My love life is also on the fritz since I am working all the time. Who am I kidding, I have no love life. Sex life still okay though. Hehhee... Ain't short of booty calls but booty calls always come when I am working. Sigh...

There's one date coming up on Saturday, which is my official first day off and I have to get up early coz it's a breakfast date. Sigh...

The Killer In Me

Office sitch is pretty much like a war zone these days.

A bunch of colleagues came up with the idea of doing a petition against one of the higher ups in the office. Almost everybody was complaining that this person has not been good for the working environment and morale. He doesn't really do his job but he kept sticking his nose in other people's business.

They all had enough. So the petition was brought forth. But there are some people who dun wanna rock the boat or just wanna play safe and refuse to sign the petition.

Mind you, these are the same people who kept complaining about how that person was bad and not communicate and making things harder yadda yadda yadda...

At first I did not wanna get involved as well coz it's not my war and not my department but I took a look at the petition and added one point and signed the petition. I do work with that person during my weekend shifts and I pointed out how he has not been helping...

War...

Potential

I dunno what's going on but my sexuality is a big deal in the office these days.

It's like they're proud of it or something. They talk about the guys that I like and some of them even went as far as telling the guys that I like them or asking for their numbers.

Sounds good on paper but most of the time, it's far more embarassing. Plus, I am a big gurl, I can flirt on my own. If it's a subtle attempt, I don't mind but this is a bit much. Sigh.

They talk about it openly. I am open, sure, but to certain people only. The newbies or people I don't know... have to earn my trust and respect before I would open up about myself...

Showtime

Finally! I am free! Of family and familial obligations and responsibilities!!!

Not that I really want to be free of them but they've been in and around my life non-stop for almost three weeks now. A gurl needs some private time too...

My uncle was admitted to ICU for a thyroid thingy so my family came to KL. Understandable. Since my aunt's moved to Kuantan, there's no other possible place for them to stay so I volunteer my place. My mom was soooooooooooooo happy.

When they left (coz the kids have school), my sister stayed behind because my brother's ex would be staying behind as well. Since she's a girl, she can't stay with me alone. Sister to the rescue. But then sister brought her boyfriend along. Good God. Straight sex in my house!!! I have to burn the sheets and faggify my place back by having lotsa anal sex... hehehehe...

Then my uncle took a turn for the worse so my Dad came back to KL, followed by the rest of them... say goodbye to my freedom...

But the good thing about my family being there was that they'd clean up my place. But you'd think that I'd be having lotsa home cooked meal right? Noooooooo, my sister's too busy fucking the 25 year old and dating to care about feeding the brother... sigh...

So today, she's finally left!!! Yay!!! Freedom!!! Freedom!!! Freeeeeeyyydhooommm!!!

Bring On The Night

My house is not mine anymore. Since last weekend, my entire family plus my brother's Filipino ex-girlfriend who works in Ireland stayed at my tiny flat.

The ex-girlfriend's flight back is on the 24th I think, so she has a few days to kill and she's staying at my place. But she can't be alone in the house with me. Tangkap basah la plak kang. So my sister stays too. The rest of the family went back to Kuantan. But then my sister brought one of her boyfriends to my place. Sigh. Yup, you read right. One of. Small wonder why I am a slut eh?

Anyways, her boyfriend has a big cock!! How do I know? My sister told. Also, there was one morning before I went to work... he was sleeping in the other room and I wanted to grab my bag to go and I noticed him having a morning woody. Dayyymnnn... of course, I whipped out my phone and snapped a photo. :)

I am not quite used to living with people. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. I can't be online all willy nilly coz they might just walk behind me and see that I am on Manjam or something. It feels like I am being driven out of house and home.

Well, the good thing about having my family here is that my place has never been cleaner. Yay! But I can't get laid though... meanwhile, my sister is getting all kinds of action from monster cock, I mean, her bf... sigh...

Never Leave Me

The entire family's coming to KL this weekend. My uncle has been hospitalized so they're coming to visit.

I am torn. Part of me is glad that I get to see them. Another part of me is screaming and running away because my privacy will be completely gone and I know I can't avoid them. The other part of me is anxious to get home and 'straighten' the place up.

Lord knows what's been lying around. A stray gay DVD? Condom wrappers? Sigh.

In other news, there's a new practical girl at the office and she's all green and doesn't know much. I am soooo Cher from Clueless. I am determined to culturized the girl and make her familiar with stuff like Nancy Drew, Subway, Chili's etc.

I feel sorry for her a bit coz she's not exposed to this stuff. I also do this with the niece and the nephew so that when they grow up and go to study in the city or overseas or wherever, they won't be deers caught in headlights...

Sleeper

I am harder on girls than I am on guys. Yesterday was an off day for me. Finally got a chance to just not work... so I lazed around (after going on a date, ehehehehe) and suddenly I flashed back to a few years ago...

At my first job in KL... I used to have this one girl friend, we were kinda inseparable at first but as trainees, you're sent wherever they see fit so she was at the subsidiary while I stayed at the parent company.

But we still see a lot of each other. I find her quirky and crazy, in an annoying sort of way. We hung out together but then again, all of the trainees hung out together. After she was sent away, I realized how annoying she really was but I could tolerate that for a short period of time when we hung out. For dinner mostly.

Then she quit her job coz of a better offer. We still hung out but I guess it's a lot better now that she's far away. But then, something happened and we got into this huge fight and I've never forgiven her ever since. She tried calling me a few times and asking me out but I'd avoid her.

Going further back, I also had a best girl friend while doing my A Levels in Shah Alam. Hmm, I don't really have many straight guy friends apparently...

Anyway, we were also best friends and she was also a bit annoying and there was a time when we had this huge falling out and we've not spoken ever since.

I don't or can't forgive them or get past the argument or whatever it was they've done. But I let guy friends walk all over me... maybe I should start treating them like they're annoying little girls...

Speaking of annoying little girls, I can't recall being friends with any girl for a long period of time. Now that I really think about it, I don't stay in touch with anyone from a previous engagement (work, college, school)... I move on and make new friends...

High school was a conscience decision on my part to sever ties. I don't want to remain in touch with any of them because we're from two different universes. I don't think they'd be understanding to my lifestyle here in KL.

Anyways, now that I realize this, I am gonna work harder to remain in touch with people from old offices etc... but only the cool ones... hehehe...

Conversations with Dead People

Things are unravelling... there's this guy who I am friends with but I don't think he's really a friend. He keeps me close to him but all he really wanna do is control me. I don't get it. He is in no way, shape or form interested in me because he is straight but he keeps trying to assert himself onto me. Not in the good sexual way either. Not that I want him to.

He keeps tabs on me too. Calls me up every Friday to see where I was. But I am guessing that was more because he wanted to come with me on food quests. He admitted that he had little experience in the foodie department and I always bring him to exotic locations like... Sushi King... Also, he benefitted from my indifference towards alcohol consumption. Guess others frown upon it but I could not care less.

And then, there's the competitiveness. We're both on facebook and he gets his jollies from beating me. At everything. All the games I play, he wanna play. All the games that he plays, he invites me.

I am all for winning but at facebook? I just wanna have fun and unleash the inner child. Yeah, like I ever kept him hidden...

Anyways, lately I have been obsessing over Pet Society. He's been playing a lot longer than I have so it's understandable that he has more points than me. There was a point where he went on vacation for two weeks and I shot past him. When he returns to work, he could not believe it and attempted to beat me, which he has done already. It's just a game to me. I like buying things for my pet's house and by going up a level, I get coins to buy more things. Plus there's the mystery box where you purchase and dunno what you'll get. Yes, I like the gambling part of the game. But when you come right down to it, it's still a game and I am not looking for my tombstone to read, "here lies Evan, he kicked ass at Pet Society" or any other games. I play for the fun factor, even if it's a tournament like bowling. I enter for the experience. It'll be nice to win but I have a long ways to go before I win any tourney.

Letting off steam is why I play. Any games. I don't want to be a stick in the mud and let worrying about games ruin my fun time. I work like a dog and when I unwind, I want fun. I wanna go to karaoke and sing coz I like to sing and I dun need tips on how to sing a song of my choosing. For someone who's full of ideas on what others need to do, he sure doesn't do any of his own suggestions. Apparently he thinks he's better than others and keep telling people how to sing... wait, that's the annoying guy from the previous post... how did he get into this train of thought???

Um... oh, yeah... don't get me started on him trying to control my life. Sort of. He want to know what's up in my life and then he judges and decides what I do was good or bad or whatever. My decision to stay in touch with a certain someone sent him into a gossiping spiral. When I say I have a date, he scoffs. When he sees me chat, he'd say something like "Chatting? Why are you doing that? Want another stalker and have to change phone numbers again?"...

Sigh.

Can't he just leave me alone? I heard from one of the girls that he has dated a girl friend of hers so he's not into me like that but he is acting like I am his a bit eh? I mean, straight guy friends just don't do that yes? Or am I wrong?... Wish he'd just realize that it's my life to live and I'll live it in any way, shape or form of myh choosing. People's expectations? I don't give a crap. Why should I be doing something that someone else thinks I should be doing? I don't even listen to my mother... much... I do sometimes coz she's me mom...

Hmm.. looks like there's two on the list of people I oughta slow-talk to...

Him

I have an annoying friend. Well, not really a friend. More like an acquaintance. I don't really know him that well and he doesn't know me that well either but he seems to think that we're good friends. *shrugs*

We got to know each other because of circumstances. I don't think we'd even talk, if we met in other situations. But since the both of us are thrust into the situation, I kinda have to acknowledge his existence.

He's one of those attention-seeking people that would wilt and die if the spotlight isn't on him. When he arrives, he'd make a lot of noise so that you'd know he's coming.

If we are talking about something, he'd manage to eavesdrop and then relate the story to his experience. Anything, you name it, it's happened to him.

And he always hogs our free time telling us all about his marital problems. There seems to be new problem showing up at least once every couple of days. Unfortunately, he never wanted to listen to us. Our problems are not significant enough. I think he doesn't care at all about us. We're just there as a platform for him to complain and bitch about his life and partner. Sigh.

Annoying as hell. Other than telling him straight up that he's effing annoying, what else is there to do? I am going the same route that a lot of colleagues are taking. Pretend he's not there... I mean, do not engage unless he starts to speak to you first...

Selfless

I am not sure the way to go about getting a boyfriend. Does it really involve being cruel and evil? Do I really need to just take what I want? “Want, take, have”?

Is it really that simple? Crush anyone in your way to get what you want? Even if it means driving a wedge between two committed people?

That would require quite a lot of nerve, self confidence and will of steel. Don’t think I have that in me…

I have tried dating others after #1 Crush. I am not willing to go to the extent of actually breaking them up. Even if I wanted to, #1 Crush would have to reciprocate and I really don’t think he thinks of me that way. Even though some of his actions speak louder than words but I won’t bet the farm on that.

So, in the attempt to move on… at first I was hesitant. Did not want to. But I realize it was foolish to stand still when the whole world was moving ahead.

No one has come close though. Made sense since I would put #1 Crush high on a pedestal.

Even after realizing that, I put caution to the wind. I found one guy who I could connect with, who’s slightly older than me and quite independent.

We were together for a while. Even though we haven’t declared it, we were couple-like already. We went to work together, we ate together, we played video games together, basically were living together.

But as Nelly Furtado famously sang, all good things come to an end. He told me, one fine night, that he has found someone. He even brought that someone to meet me. Apparently, he never thought of me as anything other than a friend. I was floored.

This lends weight to my theory that I am a pit stop where people just stop by to fix themselves. Once they’re fine, they’d leave and choose someone else.

About a week into the new relationship, he started complaining to me about the shortcomings of his new partner. Of course secretly I rejoiced. It was like Ms Karma had done her job well. I was avenged. But the dope that I was, I felt sorry for him.

After a while, we started hanging out again, when the new partner was not around. I missed the good old days.

One day, just before the end of last year, he officially broke it off and seemingly headed my way. I knew nothing was gonna happen. But we hung out quite often and I lowered my guard down.

And he came back with a one-two punch. He found someone else. Someone who’s currently in a relationship but unhappy. Oh, the drama…

I put this question forth. Anybody with an answer please lemme know…

Why is it that people are always looking for drama in their lives? There’s a nice, safe choice right in front of you and you ignore him and you’re willing to grab onto someone else who you know won’t be easy and will end up bringing heartache and drama to your life?

I asked him once why he did not want me and why he chose the other one. He said he did not see himself being loyal to me. I suspect I know why, but let’s not linger on technicality. I asked why he chose the other one and he had no clear answer.

I asked if he was happy with the new guy (before he dumped him) and he said he wasn’t. It was problematic and they kept arguing. I asked was I ever problematic and he said that life with me was nice, no arguing and it was fun.

So again, the question remains… why is it that people are willing to risk their hearts and feelings over a volatile relationship when there is a relationship that you know would gel well and should last a whole lot longer?

Does drama really add spice to the relationship? If there’s no problems in the relationship, does it mean that the relationship is stagnant?

Pit Stop signing off…

Help

I have a problem. By the way, the titles of my posts come from a tv show. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's chronological. More often that not, most of the titles actually correspond to the theme of the post. Swear to God I did not look at the title and decide what to write. I decide what to write and then look at the title. Does this mean my life is like a TV show? Hmmm...

Anyway, the problem. I can't stand it when people don't talk to me or are upset with me. Yes, yes, I am so Monica. There's this colleague at work who's not speaking to me. Well, I only find out today because I only saw her today.

Ordinarily, she'd shout out my name or the nickname she calls me whenever I came into view. But today, she completely ignored me.

It all started when she asked for my help with her spankin new Ipod. I was working the weekend shift so she came in to the office and brought CDs and stuff. She even wanted me to download songs from the Internet to upload into her Ipod. I did not have all day. Plus my shift was not over.

But she insisted I help her there and then. She did not care that I was still on the clock. Grrr! When my shift was truly over, I went to help her. She did not know squat about Ipods. So I had to teach her over and over and over again. She still couldn't get it though. Patience, wearing thin.

I was supposed to go to Times Square for bowling and my colleague wanted to leave for Times Square soon. I wanted to hitch a ride with her but the other Ipod-challenged colleague wanted to download off of the Internet. That takes time. So I told her hasta la vista but not before telling her again about how to upload songs into the damn Ipod.

Then I was off but I heard her mumbling about me abandoning her. I so did not care coz I did not wanna be stuck for hours waiting for Internet downloads.

I felt bad but I remembered how she always tried to get me to do her work for her. Her actual paid work so I stuck to my guns and left.

Saw her today in the office and no peep came out of her. And that made me squirm. I also can't really say no to people... yes, it's a big problem... have to find a way to get over this...

Same Time, Same Place

I'm taking on a lot more responsibility at work now. Not that I really want to. My team has been cut down to, well, just me now, so I have to step up so that backlogs won't exist.

I hope I get a raise for this. Or some sort of allowance. Hey, a guy can dream.

Speaking of dreams, a lot of people have been commenting that I have lost weight. I don't think so coz I am still as fat as ever. But I've been able to fit into pants that would never fit before and photos of me do indicate that I am slightly leaner than before.

Hmm... maybe I should work out so that I turn into this stocky guy...

Beneath You

I have it in mind to have a list of somethings to achieve this year, even though I don't think I achieved any resolutions last year. Wait, I did get a 211 in bowling. My resolution was to achieve 210.

Anyways, resolutions are hard to achieve especially since I am too lazy to do much about it most of the time.

But here goes...

Bowling. Gotta get 230 this year. And enter more competitions this year. And get a placing and win something.

Work on my website skills.

Write more.

Be a little more selfish and a lot less selfless.

Look into getting my own place, instead of renting.

Will try to be with family more.

Relationship? Nah. I give up. I guess this is my place in the world. Perpetual best friend. Pit stop where brokenhearted guys go to for repairs and move on to the next relationship. Maybe I should charge eh? :P