Monday, August 27, 2007

The I in Team

What a weekend. Hectic is an understatement. Lessee… went bowling Friday night. Karaoke on Saturday. Birthday party on Sunday + bowling. That doesn’t include the shopping in between activities (for our BBQ bash on the eve of Merdeka). Plus, there some guy actions. Yes, I am sporting two huge pimples on my face now. I am hoping they would be reduced to small mounds before Tuesday…

Anyways, remember the SA Guy (Crush#2) I was crushing on? He was the cute one that I had just seen once or twice but was immediately smitten? He was there at the birthday party and he and I spent some quality time together. Just chatting and talking and fooling around. Um, maybe not fooling around but joking around. Oh. My. God. He is sooooo… and now I am soooo… sigh…

Let’s put reverse on and wind back. I first met him online. He had a profile in Myspace. Or at least I think that was him. It was lust at first sight. Then I think I chatted with him once or twice in IRC. I met him in person last February at a friend’s birthday party. Kinda did not really notice him at first. Okay, so I noticed him but I did not realize that it was him (let’s call him #1 Crush from now on ala Garbage and Romeo&Juliet).

A few months later, that same friend asked for three tickets to Harry Potter. I originally thought he was taking his boyfriend and another friend but he ended bringing #1 Crush instead of the boyfriend. I was kinda psyched and kinda freaking out. This friend, HC, arrived at Starbucks, where Teddy (can’t call him Onemus anymore) and I were chilling, alone. We asked where the Significant Other is and he said SO is at campus. #1 Crush was joining us. What the… son of a… and I did not put make up on or anything…

I kept it cool but I was a nervous wreck and was shaking inside. I kinda avoided him and he was being a little bit quiet too so it worked out for the best.

After Harry Plopper, I did not meet him in person until last Sunday. But I did communicate with him via email. I suggested to the group that we should go away for the Merdeka holidays but it ended up scrapped for a BBQ bash instead. So we’ve been emailing each other a lot over the last month or so. I noticed that there is a familiar name amongst the list of recipients but I did nothing about it. Yet.

After the email discussions, came the email forwards. One day, I received an email forward from #1 Crush. At least I think it was him. So I replied, but in regards to said forward, not because of anything else. He replied and thus began our email communication. He said that he was kinda quiet on Harry Potter night because he did not really know us and he said that he’d be a whole different man once I got to know him.

Which is true because he was very different at the party. Very nice. Very funny. Very cute. Very adorable. I am drooling. I know. I can’t help it.

There’s this running gag amongst my friends about me and the kitchen. If there were events, I’d always be in the kitchen. I was in the kitchen yesterday and so was #1 Crush. I had been asked to cut the cake and distribute it to the guests. He was helping me with the softest cake on Earth. At one point, he was tasting a piece and I asked him for a taste as well. He fed it to me, mostly coz my hands were full. I was kinda hesitant and took like a tiny bite but he held it for me to take it all so I got it all in my mouth and my lips brushed against his fingers. OMG! We just went to… what base is that? I don’t care. In some cultures, we are married already!

Of course, Teddy happened to go into the kitchen and saw it and said inappropriate, not subtle things and I am sure that #1 Crush knows that I am into him. All of my friends did what Teddy did actually. Going around trying to let him know, unsubtly, that I like him. It was kinda embarrassing. Especially since #1 Crush has a boyfriend! And I don’t even know if he is even into me or not.

Ooooh, did I mention that he asked me to go swimming with him? There’s a pool at our friend’s place and he wanted to go swimming. I said I could not and he offered to teach me. It’s funny coz I was flirting with him a bit during this email phase and I told him that he’d need to do CPR on me if I drown and he said I could easily float and he could hang on to me for dear life. I told him I oughta hang on to him since he could swim and he said we’d both fall to the bottom of the pool and there’d be no one to do CPR.

I told him that I’d do a Jack and let Rose, I mean, #1 Crush float up and be alive. I know, I know. Corny. Sigh…

When I asked if he brought swimwear that day, he said he left it at home so he was going to have to go swimming naked and said that I needed to be there. Oh God. Excuse me. Toilet. Now.

He actually went with this other guy and he went up to me and invited me to join. Unfortunately, it would be suspect that I would go along, in my shirt and jeans to the pool. So I stayed. Plus I actually came with someone else (at the last minute) so I could not really leave him to the wolves, I mean, bears.

When he returned from swimming, he asked me why I did not join. I thought he was just kidding about it but he was not apparently. He wanted me there. And he was washing a very tiny dark blue speedo when he said that. Damn my date and my principals!

Oh, oh, during the karaoke sessions, both of us were standing at the side near the kitchen and I told him to go sing and he said his voice was girly and not nice. He sang along to one song and I became putty. Dude’s got a sexy singing voice. Okay, so anything he does is gold to me. Sue me. But seriously, I do tend to do this to myself right? Fall for unavailable men and break my own heart in the end.

I could not even sleep last night, thinking of #1 Crush, even though there was someone else in the bed with me. Oops, did I say that out loud? Heheheheh.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

A New Man

I have this condition. I don’t really know the scientific term for it. I’ve noticed it for a while now. At first I was scared, I was petrified. I kept thinking I could not show my face when I am afflicted with it. But now I’m used to it and I don’t really freak out as much.

Every time I have sex, my face breaks out. Not too much though. Just one or two. But they’re huge and normally on the chin, near the mouth. Yup, that’s right. Fuck acne is what Onemus said, ever so bluntly. I say they’re sex pimples. Sounds much better and more innocent right?

Now I don’t even have to tell them that I had sex. They’d look at my face and would know I’ve had sex by that huge ass pimple on my face.

I just don’t understand it. What’s the correlation between having sex and pimples? Maybe my hormones went into overdrive as soon as I am horny and sexed up and that unleashes a chain reaction and the pimple hormones get triggered and would show up in the morning? Damn.

It never fails to show up. But I have noticed varying degree in sizes and intensity of the pimple. If I have very little interaction with the guy AKA immediately plugging his butt, then the pimple would not be as huge. If I have a full on session AKA kiss, lick, suck and fuck, then it would be as huge as Mount Kinabalu.

But then again, sometimes, it doesn’t happen that way. I just had a massive full on session and only the smallest citizen of Pimpledom came out to greet the world. Is there a way to stop me from breaking out every time I have sex? Not that I have sex that often… and there is a big one on my face now…

Saturday, August 18, 2007


My friends think I am engaged in a war of words with this one new guy that’s been hanging out with us a lot. Apparently, according to them, we would kiss and make up soon.

I don’t know how this all started. I was pretty much minding my own business and not really getting in his face. As far ranking go, I am very low in the group’s dynamics. Pretty much like the last group I was with but at least this time I don’t have to pay a monthly subscription and we’re all really are friends because we want to be friends, not just friends through association. Oooh, I am so getting into trouble for saying that… but it’s the truth…

Anyways, yeah, I am just a lowly guy who no one ever notices. Seriously. Walking with Prof Karen Walker and Onemus is like self confidence suicide. What am I talking about? It is confidence suicide. Both are pretty, nice, intelligent creatures that would charm the pants off of anyone. Then there’s the other one, the more senior guy amongst us. He is constantly surrounded by them cute boys. Another confidence killer.

Actually, I find hanging with these guys is just nice. Everybody’s fawning over them and forgetting about lil ol’ me, which is good coz I am kinda shy.

Anywho, so this newbie would not, should not even notice me. Unfortunately, not only has he noticed me, he has also started this war of words with me. Not really in person but via the daily communiqué that the lot of us engage in. In one particular email, he said something very hurtful. If coming from the others, then it might not have stung as much coz I know them and they know me and we always jest about such things. But this guy? Barely know him and yet he’s already in the game, saying mean things to me.

The Prof seems to think that I project a happy-go-fucky, I mean, lucky attitude and the new guy must’ve thought that I could take it. Hey, I’ve taken it like a man! I’ve taken it from my mom! From the Prof! From Onemus! And of course from some guys, ehhehehe.

In person, he turns slightly meek and not really into warring. I noticed him staring at me once in a great while during bowling but that only meant that he was trying to see how I throw and would attempt to copy.

And he said the weirdest things to me. One time, he asked me if I had a PSP on me, and if I do have one, he’d be my boyfriend right there and then. Another time, he asked loudly, and in front of everyone, the reason why I am still car-less and still renting and not owning my own place. Then he’d try to engage me in a knowledge duel about medieval weaponry. Just coz I said I liked medieval weaponry.

Then there’s one time, he told me to knock off the American accent. He also asked me if I was blonde. I think Stevie Wonder would have known that I have natural black hair and I did not attempt to gain artificial intelligence by dyeing my blonde hair black.

Why is it that he is doing all of this? Trying to knock me down, in front of everybody. The Prof also seems to think that the newbie is kinda into me and I am into him. Um, not with that kind of attitude, that’s for sure. Methinks he is too hung up on security and too materialistic and he is not ashamed in showing that off.

There was this one email he sent out about his ‘The One’ and Onemus mentioned that he was describing me and he responded by saying “I think he is the farthest from being my ‘The One’. Okay, so that was not verbatim, but that was the gist. So I guess the Prof is not exactly correct in his presumption. Sigh.

I know he’s not going to go away anytime soon. So I just have to grin and bear it and hoped that he’ll get bored taunting me. Or I could just escalate the war and fight back. See how he likes it when this gurl starts slinging barbs. Oh wait, I’ve already begun. Hehehehe.

The pen is mightier than the sword people say. Wait, the penis mightier than the sword? Really? :P

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


Crush. An intense yet short lived infatuation. These past couple of months, I have been crushing quite a lot. Does this mean I am easy? Or am I just slutty?

Crush #1 – Chinese Guy from Maluri with a sexy voice.
I chatted with him early this year but we only got to meet up in June. He invited me to a ‘party’, ehehehe. From the MMS that he sent, he seemed like a kid but he was the same age as me. 21. Add 8 more years. Sigh.

And he kept insisting on meeting my other chub friends. So it was a turn off early on. However, since he was the one organizing the party, I decided to join. Man, I wished I would have joined earlier. Hehehe.

He is tall. Me likey. Not too quick on the uptake though but maybe he’s just not used to American humor. Not many people are. But he has a boyfriend. Or he’s divorcing one boyfriend and wants to shack up with another. So I just get to play during that tiny window of singledom. Sigh.

Crush #2 – Cute Malay Guy from Shah Alam
I have chatted with him before and I was on his Myspace, before I deleted that profile. Now, he’s disappeared from Myspace. Dammit. But I got to meet him when my friends and I went to watch Harry Plopper and the Order of the Jean Grey.

He was extremely cute, quiet, unassuming and did I mention extremely cute? I knew who he was immediately. But I was kinda shy so I just kept it to myself. Teddy, who apparently was not crushing on anyone, totally engaged me in a conversational duel, right in front of him. I was kinda embarrassed but I sucked it up and acted normally.

Did I mention he is extremely cute? A bit shorter than me though. It’s okay, I’ll just bend my knees if I wanna kiss him… oh, oops, my bad… fantasy stuff in my head…

However, I got a little break and a little luck later on because my friends and I are planning something for the Merdeka weekend and his email was included in the discussion. Slightly later on, I got a bunch of forwards from my friends and I got one from him. Or so I thought it was him. I asked, he confirmed and we’ve been emailing each other back and forth. *gurly shrieks*

Unfortunately, he is in a loving relationship… so I just get to crush on him and just ogle. Sigh. The boyfriend is such a lucky bitch.

Crush #3 – The Malay Guy from Tun Razak
The one that came over on Monday. The one from Guys4Men. He is as tall as me. Nice. Cute. Knows how to please a man. Hehehehe.

I guess the reason I got crushed was because he stuck around afterwards. He knows songs that I know. Yup, he checked out my iTunes and remembers the old songs from my childhood. He smelled nice. Sigh.

Not to mention Cute Cashier Guy and the tall dude from my office… sigh…

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Something Blue

Lunch time is quite the big deal around here, especially since we have to wait until 1.30 before we get to eat. There are plenty of choices around here but after a while, they would all taste the same anyway.

I’ve even made some lunch for myself, just to shake things up. So far, I’ve managed to cook up some pasta with tomato-based sauce and chicken soup with potatoes and white rice. I am trying to expand my repertoire pretty soon.

But there is one restaurant that seems to be the receptionist’s favorite. I don’t really mind going there. The food is not bad but sometimes it takes 45 minutes for a simple kuey tiaw soup to arrive. The waiters made it nicer to be there though. One cute guy looked exactly like one cute Malay actor but he’s hardly around anymore.

The crème de la crème has got to be the cashier. I think he’s new. Not so sure. Have not seen him before until a couple of months ago. Very cute, very adorale. I mean, adorable. I just wanna bite his cheeks. The ones on his face. When I say face, I mean his face. And when I say face, I don’t mean his ass. He sits behind the cashier counter all day long! How could I get a glimpse of his ass??

Anyways, we had been flimiling (flirting and smiling) with each other for a while now but I have no idea what to call him. So one day, I got the receptionist to ask for his name and he replied. I thought he was kidding. His name is the same as the Malay singer that won AF and is now called SMS King. I did not believe and asked for ID. He showed it to me but I did not really get a good look.

The receptionist was shocked that the boy was willingly showing me his ID. I mean, come on dude, it’s not like he dropped trou and whipped it out for me to see. It’s just ID. So after that, we would just have this fleeting mini flimiling moments at the cash register where I’d take the chance to touch his hand when I take change and he would always smile at that.

Today, after a long absence, we went back to that restaurant. He was there, as per usual, being all cute and dark. Oh, did I mention that he has the nicest, deepest, most romantic eyes? Sigh. Hang on. Drool’s all over the keyboard. *wipes*

When we went to pay, the receptionist talked to him. I did not really get the gist of what they were talking about but suddenly he exclaimed that he thinks I am handsome. Out of the blue. Of course I blushed crimson. *gurly shriek!*

The receptionist gave me a disbelieving look. The cute guy just stood there smiling. I paid up and flashed him my most dazzling smile and then left. The receptionist pestered me, kept asking me what was going on, whether cute cashier guy has turned to the fag side. I can’t really say now can I? She insisted that he is a fag coz he proclaimed loudly that I was handsome. No one’s ever called me handsome. *swoons*

Update: The receptionist went downstairs at 5 to buy some bread for dinner and she stopped by the restaurant and actually told him that I said hi. He blushed crimson! According to her that is. But I did make her swear that she was telling the truth or her boyfriend’s penis would remain flaccid for eternity. She swore. Guess it’s true. Yay!

Update #2: We went for lunch at the restaurant today and yes, the cute guy smiled at me enthusiastically. This time, the receptionist asked for his number and said that I was asking for his number. He asked why at first but then he gave it to her to give me.

Monday, August 13, 2007


Fable Frog tagged me. Yay! I hardly ever get tagged. I see Onemus and Prof Karen Walker snickering… tagged as in Blog Memes okay? Not the other kind. Get your minds out of the gutter. And they say I am highly sexual. Sigh.

The rules of this tag:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.

2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.

3. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).

4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

Random Fact #1
My mother is a distant relative to the Sultan of Pahang, so that means I do have a fraction of royalty in my blood. Not that it really matters though…

Random Fact #2
I lost my virginity at the ripe old age of 21

Random Fact #3
The most expensive thing I own is Harry, my laptop, and he is now in ICU. *sobs*

Random Fact #4
I was cast in an indie movie that my friend was working on but I had to go back to Malaysia for the summer so I had to pass. I could have been the next Halle Berry or Nicole Kidman. Dayymmn.

Random Fact #5
My highest score for bowling was 202. Second highest was 201. I got those in 2001. I’ve never scratched past the 200 mark since. The closest I got was 180+.

Random Fact #5
I used to wet my bed until I was 10

Random Fact #6
The longest relationship I had lasted for slightly over a year

Random Fact #7
I’ve dated (as in going out with, not ONS) with Malaysians (Malays, Chinese, Indians), Caucasians (American, German, Swedish, Kosovo) and Latino.

Random Fact #8
I am using Nokia 7610, the same one I had since 2004, which is also my first ever firsthand cell phone.

Okay, so that’s that. Now I have to pass on the curse, I mean, the meme to 8 other bloggers. Hmmm, I don’t think I know of other bloggers who read my blog, other than Vivik, Floggie and Paul. But I am sure someone has already tagged them. Maybe Onemus or Musang… ooh, let's get Holden to do it...

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Initiative

On Sunday, I went to the PC Fair with Prof Karen Walker at KL Convention Center. There were literally thousands of people. Plenty of eye candy for the Prof and me to ogle at. And plenty of opportunities for copping a feel. What? They came and rested their ass on my palm! What was I supposed to do? Push them away? No way! It was so round and smooth and fluffy and tight… um, lost my train of thought…

Oh, yeah. PC Fair. The Prof bought an all-in-one printer for 199 and I applied for Maxis Broadband. It cost me 100 bucks to register, activate and get the modem. Okay, it cost the Prof 100 bucks but I’ll pay him back. He is not my sugar daddy. The sugar daddy role belongs to me remember. Sigh.

Anyways, they said I could use it as soon as I got home that night. However, my laptop, Harry, is violently ill. He could not even start up anymore. So I gotta wait until I take the office laptop home. Also, they warned me that I might not be able to enjoy the Internet that well because I live on the 15th floor. Might not even get to use it.

I took a chance. Yesterday, I brought the laptop home and it worked! Teddy AKA Onemus Prime, proclaimed that there was nothing stopping me now from going totally slutty. I told him that’s not the case. I wanted Internet connection at home so that I can check my messages more frequently. And maybe do some downloading. I wonder if I could download porn, I mean, TV show episodes. Hmm…

Anyways, after 10 minutes of being online, I got a buzz from Guys4Men. From a guy who lived in Bandar Tun Razak, which was near my place. After a few messages back and forth, he said he wanted to come over. It was already 11.30. I thought he was kidding. He showed up at my place and we hung out until 1.30 in the morning. Yes, we just hung out. Nothing happened.

Okay, I am so lying through my teeth. Of course something happened. But I never would have known that anything were to happen because his profile was vague and he had never mentioned that he likes his men meaty. Or chubby. So I thought he just wanted to chat or something. Naïve me. As soon as he arrived, he lied down on the couch and positioned me between his legs. With his crotch just inches away from my face, I mean, hands.

I was still the naïve, virginal blond so I just let it be and continued talking. That is until he took my hand and forcefully placing it on his crotch. And the rest, as they say, is history.

So Onemus was right. I will be getting sluttier and sluttier by the minute. Dammit. But I think that was just beginner’s luck. I am sure it’ll die down by tonight and I’ll go back to being alone and pining for someone for company.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Wild At Heart

I am spending the night at one guy’s place on Friday. He sent me a message via Bearforest in April. We’ve been keeping in touch ever since. No, we haven’t met yet because he is too busy, working in sales so he works nearly 7 days a week.

Then he met with an accident and broke his hand. So our meeting got pushed back. Finally, I suggested we meet and spend the night at either my place or his place and get this dating ship moving. He agreed and we’ve set the date for Friday. Originally, it was supposed to be on Sunday but his company suddenly told him he could take Friday off.

We’d been planning for a Sunday meet so now our plan is whacked. He has dentist appointment Monday early morning so we decided to meet Friday, after I finished work. We’re gonna have dinner and maybe watch a movie or something, then go to his place. He works in Brickfields so he can swing by KL Sentral and drops me off in the morning. Yup, he works on weekends.

He is kinda cute. Tall. Older than me. Matured. However, he just got his heart broken by someone and that raises an alarm for me. My track record has not been that good and I keep attracting these kinds of people. I would always end up getting hurt and they would go off without a scratch. Sigh.

I really don’t wanna go into this with my defensive shields up but I guess I don’t really have a choice. I too have my battle scars. Ooh, I just downloaded this one song from Geri Halliwell called Love Never Loved Me. Telling my life story. I won’t give up on love. What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. Oh, I think I hear my heart pounding from the anticipation…

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Beer Bad

My sister sent me an SMS. She said that my mom’s been nagging. What else is new right? Well, this time, she is nagging to my sister about us. Me and my sister.

That’s new. Normally, she’d take a shot at either one of us. She seemed to have a nagging suspicion that my sister’s been bringing people home. When I say people, I mean guys. Oh, maybe I should explain. My parents and brother lives at the restaurant while my sis stays at the house. Sometimes them kids stay at the house, sometimes they stay at the restaurant.

So my mom thinks that my sister’s been bringing home some guy when the kids are sleeping at the restaurant. It’s true by the way. My sis used to bring her then boyfriend over all the time. Ooh, maybe I should explain also. My sis is getting a divorce from her good for nothing husband and apparently dating a guy for a while.

Then my mom went on a rant about me. That she’s also worried about me. She seems to think that I am also bringing people home. When I say bringing people home, I mean, she thinks I am fucking people. When I say people, I don’t mean guys, but she might be on to me. However, being in denial land is far better, so I am gonna say that she thinks I am bringing girls home. Especially since I am living alone.

Did I tell you about the Langkawi incident? My mom called me while I was vacationing there and asked if I was there for some gay orgy that was happening at one of the smaller islands. Ever since that incident, which was Chinese New Year 2006, my relationship with her had been strained and she goes into this criticizing mode where everything I do, from my life decisions to my hair, is wrong in her eyes.

I guess deep down, mothers have a sense of what’s going on inside their children’s head coz we did stay in them for 9 months. There’s a connection. Just like Margaret Cho’s mom knowing about her sexual ambiguity early on. Hehehhe.

Anyways, my brother is not getting any flack from her. He actually brought his Filipino girlfriend to see her and then went to a hotel and stayed in the same room. Obviously doing the do. But she so did not care. I came up with a theory and my sister kinda agreed. My mother cannot stand being out of the loop. She has this pressing need to know everything.

So if we loop her in to our sordid lives, maybe she’d let up. Coz my brother sinned to her face and she just made with the not knowing. So I guess I should start to introduce to her my friends and stash of men. Maybe bring home one to Kuantan and shag him rotten right in front of her. Maybe then she’ll leave me alone.

Or she could just reach for her wand and kill us both with an Unforgivable Curse. Sigh. I cannot win.