I Only Have Eyes For You

Second interview went quite well. This post is an editorial assistant post and sounded like something I am very interested in. However, they cannot match my current salary. I'll know by tomorrow if I am shortlisted or not.

My nephew is okay. He's not hospitalized. So I am going for that Cosmop*int interview but I have to call them first to find out exactly what job I am being interviewed for. I did the resume drop thingy at the recent career fair and they called me but did not specify a job. Hmmm.

ESS is being a little too quiet these days. He claims he's busy with stuff. I am remembering my (silent) promise to him and I'll behave and not question him too much. What? I can't change? :P

Out of pure boredom, I went to blogthings and did this quiz. I got a B!

Your Vocabulary Score: B

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

Oooh, I was in Borders last weekend, waiting for ESS, and I grabbed a book and read it. It was very funny. I completely spaced on the title now but I do remember it's about funny quotes. Here's one:

A nun came to see her Mother Superior for a confession. "Forgive me, for I have sinned. Sin of the flesh. Father Thomas came to me last night and told me that I have the Gates of Heaven between my legs. He said that he has the Key to Heaven so he inserted it in." The Mother Superior screamed in response, "Bastard! He told me it was the Trumpet of Gabriel! I had been blowing on it all these years!"

When She Was Bad

And now... for something completely different (coz I find it funny... my life is full of drama right now)...

GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION

1. If you are over thirty five and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense , rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship . A man's world is his bathroom; he urinates where ever he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you're like a high hard one in the poop chute . Coffee is to be hard strong, black, and full aroma. A
straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle . A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, ho ld his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame
out too.