Thursday, March 29, 2007

What's My Line, Part 2

Suddenly I am feeling vulnerable and depressed. Maybe it's coz I am jobless. Maybe it's coz money's running out. Maybe it's coz there's a knife in my back that I just can't seem to reach and take out. It hurts. Bad.

I am not that strong apparently. Can only deal with one trauma at a time. I am human after all, contrary to popular belief.

Hopefully I'll get that job, or the M*cros*ft job that had opened (and a friend is trying to lobby me for it). Once I get busy with a job, I can forget all about life's woes and misery and be content with the illusion that I am living in. I finally see what Prof Karen Walker is saying about the Matrix red pill blue pill thingy.

Why can't I find... oh no, do not go down that path, tired of thinking about that path... remember, you are happy living in whatever excuse of an existence that you are in now. Sigh.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What's My Line, Part 1

Yesterday, I was called for an interview. I was quite ecstatic. However, when I got to the office, they said that it was not actually an interview. But more of a getting to know session. If I had known, I would not have bothered to dress up. Kidding.

So basically they wanted to get to know me. They were asking me questions like "Do you karaoke?" and "Do you listen to the radio?" which threw me off a little bit. Eventually, they explained the significance of the questions. Boy, do they got the right gurl. I am Mdm Karaoke Extraordinaire. Just finished a session with ESS on Saturday. Voice was still hoarse and raspy.

They felt I was already qualified, or over qualified and they wanted to see me personally. The actual formal interview would be mid-April, complete with tests. God, I hate these tests. There's no studying for it beforehand. You either know how to answer em (aka bluff) or you don't. But they did give me tips already on the tests and the interview. Hmm, good omen? Wish me luck.

ESS is back in L*m*t and he is not feeling well. A bit of fever, cough and cold. I think it's coz we were in the rain for a bit on Saturday. He thinks it's coz his body is readjusting to the straight way of life, instead of the faggy goodness of the weekend. Methinks he misses me. But then, that might be too much of a wishy-washy schmaltzy wishful thinking on my part. Sigh.

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Dark Age

Other than one minor detail that is pissing me off to no end, the weekend was great! Despite the fact that I am jobless. Obviously. Anyways, the Emotional Support Spouse (new name for Navy Guy, fitting ain't it?) was in town since Friday night.

We met in Times Square and had dinner at Johnny's Steamboat, which was our first date restaurant. Okay, maybe not the actual first date. Our actual first date was... man, it's complicated. Anyways, I'm making an executive decision and call Johnny's as our first dinner/date. So it was fitting that we went to Johnny's for our first time out as a betrothed couple.

Then we saw Chermin, featuring Deanna Yusuf in her first role in like 10 years or so. It was kinda okay, not really as scary as the other horror movies. Maybe coz the scare factor in the movie is gorgeous Deanna. So not the scary. But quite a good movie. Hmm, methinks it's a trend now for us. Always watching horror movies. Malay horror movies. Am not complaining. Now I got me a buddy to watch em with! Yay!

Any event, we went for a karaoke session in Imbi the next day, where he forced me to sing in high Ning Baizura notes (which attributed to my sore throat and raspy voice today). We also went clubbing Saturday Night at Nuskool in Melia Hotel. These also seem to be the trend with us.

Okay, now for the nitty gritty. The first night we spent as a betrothed couple. Get your minds out of the gutter, people! Remember, open relationship with no sex here. I found out quite a few things about ESS:

1. He kicks in his sleep. My feet. The foot of the bed. Teddy's DVDs. Oops, sorry Teddy. They're still good. Swear to God.

2. He crosses his legs in his sleep. Like me. I have been told by people that I do that in my sleep and ESS does that too.

3. He is a cuddly sleeper. He likes to cuddle. I was pleasantly surprised. He fell asleep before I did. He was snoring away like there was no tomorrow. I moved closer to him and rested one shoulder onto his shoulder. For a while. When I moved away to be on my side, he jumped across the gap between us and landed half his body on top of mine. He did that the whole night! Swear to God! As soon as I try to adjust my body to the weight on top of me (so that blood could circulate), he gave room a bit for me. When I started to shift my position, a foot would come flying to me. Or his arm. Or his butt. Yup, you read right. A few times he smacked me with his butt. Speaking of which, something naughty happened during this time also. I was quite shocked. Quite taken back. Quite turned on. It was so unexpected. So nice. So weird. Coz ESS was sleeping soundly. I think he was dreaming of that cute daddy at the bowling alley in Times Square. Heck, I am not complaining. Hehehhe. (p/s - if ESS asks any of you, tell him I said nothing about this and hopefully he won't understand what I've written coz he warned me not to tell anyone. I am not telling yeah? Just hinting but I know most of you can guess what happened. Yum-my)

4. He is hot. Am not saying this just coz he might be reading or to appease him. It's a fact. A lot of people told me that he is very good looking. Um, this next statement might sound a little shallow... I bagged me a pretty one! Yay! Does this mean I am pretty too? Hmm, I don't think so. Oh, crap. Now I wonder why he is with me. Such ugliness as opposed to his prettiness. Everyone, from girls to guys to fags to slims to chubs, they all lusted after him. Makan hati mak tau! Huhuhu. Guess that's the price you pay when you marry someone a hell lot hotter than you. Sigh. I don't wanna flaunt the relationship and the matching rings that we're wearing (yup, I got us some bling. Okay, cheap bling. Okay, so not the bling. Temporary rings. Not silver with a rock embedded in it. I am unemployed! Cut me some slack), but people are just flirting with him left and right. I had half a mind to leave the club and just go home but I stuck it out in the end. Sigh.

5. He is quite adventurous when it comes to food, unlike some Malays I know. He can eat at all my favorite restaurants and likes whatever I put into his mouth. Food. Beverage. Not that thing... oh forget it...

6. He loves me. Or at least I think he does. I hope he does. People were throwing themselves at him but in the end, he comes back to me. Of course, when he's back at work in L*m*t, I would never know what or who he does. But then again, I also have my fair share of sexcapades here in KL yeah? Hehhehe.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Lie To Me

I haven’t exactly talked about this yet. My friends in real life have had earfuls of this. I don’t know why I haven’t managed to blog about this yet. Maybe because it’s too complicated. Maybe because deep down I still don’t quite believe what has happened. Or maybe it’s just a dream and I’ll wake up soon.

It’s not that I am ashamed of this. I am quite happy at the outcome. For the most part. I am still sane, so I do question things some times. I also have to go by that one rule – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Navy Guy and I had the talk. Actually, it was more like a debate cum discussion cum talk show/therapy session. But after an intense one week negotiation, we’ve arrived at a decision. We’ve decided to give ‘us’ a try. Yup, you read right. I now have a boyfriend. It’s been two weeks since we signed on the dotted line. It’s not all rosy but it’s peachy.

Since we are far from one another, we’ve decided on an open relationship. Also, since I am not Navy Guy’s physical preference, there won’t be sex between us. Yet. Until he feels comfortable about it. No big. I can wait.

Some of you might feel that it’s weird to not have sex with one’s own boyfriend. My friends all thought it was weird and that I have not much to gain from this and that I am not being myself in order to fit into Navy Guy’s requirement.

I have thought about this a lot. I can have with whoever I want but The One doesn’t come along that often. At least not for me. I have been on the prowl for most of my adult life. I’ve finally found him. Navy Guy and I have amazing chemistry and we’ve found in each other what we’ve been looking for. So what if there’s no physical intimacy between us? The emotional intimacy that we share more than make up for that.

I’ve never been more content in my whole life. Okay, I should stop now before this gets way too saccharine sweet for my own liking. But before I go, I just wanna say this – I’ve never been able to say “I love you” or “I miss you” without feeling like retching. Not with Navy Guy. Feels natural.

Saturday, March 17, 2007


The thing I feared the most has happened. I am no longer employed. Thursday was my last day at work. I am quite sad to go coz I've made a few friends there. But I am also slightly relieved. At the same time, I am very scared about my future. Sigh.

Wish me well and wish me luck. If you guys wanna send me condolence gifts, I am accepting em in the form of cash, coz I'll be needing em. Hehehehe.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Reptile Boy

I was Meme’d by Cikgu Drama 25 years ago but had not had the chance to do it. Apparently I am supposed to divulge 6 most embarrassing or most weird facts about me. Um, lessee…

#1 – I am a perfumaholic. I think I was turned by one of previous scandals. He had a nice collection of perfumes in his room. They looked nice and of course smell great. So I started a little mini collection of my own. Then Karen, my evil yet close friend, also revealed that he too is a perfumaholic and always frequent those warehouse perfume sales. Now I have close to 20 perfumes and I am only using 3 at most. Even Navy Guy is a mini perfumaholic and had snatched three of my perfumes.

#2 – I am a dragon. Not literally. But I have been called a dragon. Hey! Not down there lar. I wish. I drink. A lot. Not alcoholic stuff though. Just water and flavored drinks. I could stand to forgo food but not drinks. I need liquid down my throat at all times. Um, that sounded a little wrong… anyways, during the fasting month, the thing that was killing me was the not being able to drink. Restaurants with bottomless beverages or free refills hate me.

#3 – I have never tasted alcohol. Never had a drink. By personal choice. Not because of religion.

#4 – I have written a movie script. This is neither embarrassing nor weird. But I dunno what else to put. Heheheh.

#5 – I look like a kid, even though I am close to the big 3-0 already. My younger brother looks my age and I look his age. He hates it. I used to love it but now it’s going against me, especially in my search for a boyfriend.

#6 – I’ve never really had a boyfriend before. True, I’ve dated guys before but none can really truly be considered a boyfriend.

There you go. 6 facts about me. Does this mean that you guys know me a little better? Or did the 6 factoids add to the mystique that is me?

Friday, March 9, 2007

Inca Mummy Girl

Things at the office has been crazy intense. It really doesn’t help that we are now placed at the far end of the world. No kidding. It’s a big building and we’re now placed at the far end of the south side. It’s at least 2km to get to the copier and the printer. Sigh.

Anyways, I have big news regarding Navy Guy and myself. Um, but the timing’s not quite right to come out and say it. It might happen or might not. I haven’t even gotten round to telling you guys everything about him and about us together and stuff.

There’s so much to tell. Like I said before, we’re constantly SMSing and calling each other. And YM-ing. And IRC-ing.

So many things have been shared and so many thoughts have been verbalized and so many life stories swapped. We’ve grown so close that I don’t have to SMS him. I just think about him, reach for the phone and his SMS would pop in the inbox. It’s scarily amazing. Or amazingly scary, depending on how you look at it.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

School Hard

OMG. I can't believe this is happening. I mean, I have abandoned the blog for so long. First, some work news. Dunno if it's bad or not. Judge for yourself.

I was told that I have cause a ruckus for the department. I am now being monitored. Even my internet is being monitored. Hence the non-blogging. I now have to submit a progress report every week. Apparently I am not resourceful and sits on my ass this whole time. I have not come up with anything to prove that I had indeed been working. Suddenly, everything about my work is being questioned. I really don't wanna go into the details. I did make the tragic mistake of not concentrating on the job I was asked to do in my boss' absence but I do feel that this is being blown way out of proportion.

There was also a disclaimer that's making me quite agitated about my future. If I don't prove myself worthy of being kept around, by the end of my probation period, I might not be made permanent and would be let go.

My boss is slowly coming around to being warm again to me, so at least it's not that bad now. But I am being tested everyday and there's always so much stuff for me to clear. Last minute stuff. Not enough time to get it actually ready. But I have to take it like a man and do it. I would like to say that I have finished writing all my assignments but the big kahuna held it hostage until a lot of things became irrelevant to be published and then I am being blamed for the non-published status of the internal newsletter.

Sigh. Okay, now, onto the Navy Guy story. I apologize for not being able to update on that. I don't know where to begin writing. It all started two weekends ago as a romantic thing. Last weekend, it turned into a 'just friends' thing. This weekend? I am the older brother and he is the younger brother.

We've been in constant contact. YM, SMS, phone calls. You name it. I've never had this kind of relationship, albeit platonic, before. I don't really like being all touchy feely and constantly needing to keep in touch. But I am doing that with him and he is always on my case if I don't respond immediately. But we're just friends. New territory there. I do admit I have feelings for him but he doesn't see me that way. He wants to be friends and he knows of my feelings for him.

One time I asked for a break because I needed time to fall out of love with him. He freaked out. He did not wanna lose me but he understood why I needed the break. I should have done it. Get over him. At least we'll be on a level playing field after that. However, with all this drama at work, I could not deal with it alone. Although I have good friends who are there for me, it was him who helped me calm down and deal (mostly coz we're constantly in touch).

I know it's kinda superficial but it's like I do have a boyfriend. Without the yummy sex of course. Hell, it is superficial. Settling for someone who doesn't even love me, so that I would have companionship. But then again, it does feel kinda nice. Oh crap. So much drama so little time.