Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Selfless

I am not sure the way to go about getting a boyfriend. Does it really involve being cruel and evil? Do I really need to just take what I want? “Want, take, have”?

Is it really that simple? Crush anyone in your way to get what you want? Even if it means driving a wedge between two committed people?

That would require quite a lot of nerve, self confidence and will of steel. Don’t think I have that in me…

I have tried dating others after #1 Crush. I am not willing to go to the extent of actually breaking them up. Even if I wanted to, #1 Crush would have to reciprocate and I really don’t think he thinks of me that way. Even though some of his actions speak louder than words but I won’t bet the farm on that.

So, in the attempt to move on… at first I was hesitant. Did not want to. But I realize it was foolish to stand still when the whole world was moving ahead.

No one has come close though. Made sense since I would put #1 Crush high on a pedestal.

Even after realizing that, I put caution to the wind. I found one guy who I could connect with, who’s slightly older than me and quite independent.

We were together for a while. Even though we haven’t declared it, we were couple-like already. We went to work together, we ate together, we played video games together, basically were living together.

But as Nelly Furtado famously sang, all good things come to an end. He told me, one fine night, that he has found someone. He even brought that someone to meet me. Apparently, he never thought of me as anything other than a friend. I was floored.

This lends weight to my theory that I am a pit stop where people just stop by to fix themselves. Once they’re fine, they’d leave and choose someone else.

About a week into the new relationship, he started complaining to me about the shortcomings of his new partner. Of course secretly I rejoiced. It was like Ms Karma had done her job well. I was avenged. But the dope that I was, I felt sorry for him.

After a while, we started hanging out again, when the new partner was not around. I missed the good old days.

One day, just before the end of last year, he officially broke it off and seemingly headed my way. I knew nothing was gonna happen. But we hung out quite often and I lowered my guard down.

And he came back with a one-two punch. He found someone else. Someone who’s currently in a relationship but unhappy. Oh, the drama…

I put this question forth. Anybody with an answer please lemme know…

Why is it that people are always looking for drama in their lives? There’s a nice, safe choice right in front of you and you ignore him and you’re willing to grab onto someone else who you know won’t be easy and will end up bringing heartache and drama to your life?

I asked him once why he did not want me and why he chose the other one. He said he did not see himself being loyal to me. I suspect I know why, but let’s not linger on technicality. I asked why he chose the other one and he had no clear answer.

I asked if he was happy with the new guy (before he dumped him) and he said he wasn’t. It was problematic and they kept arguing. I asked was I ever problematic and he said that life with me was nice, no arguing and it was fun.

So again, the question remains… why is it that people are willing to risk their hearts and feelings over a volatile relationship when there is a relationship that you know would gel well and should last a whole lot longer?

Does drama really add spice to the relationship? If there’s no problems in the relationship, does it mean that the relationship is stagnant?

Pit Stop signing off…

7 comments:

Sankai said...

"its complicated".

That's all i can say when it comes to any relationship. Some works out. Some doesn't. You want that person, but he doesn't want you. What you give, sometimes you never get back.
I don't know. Drama happens without the any wish for it.

The problems... ahh.. who would want problems? But it happens nonetheless.

What you make of it i think is what makes the difference. Both of you must be willing to make something out of it...

hmm..

Evan Owens said...

speaking from experience eh?

raden putra said...

why dont u ask him bout his first love? was it memorable as the fights? was the make-up after the fights good?

what if that's what he learnt bout having boyfriends? that the process of getting 2 different ppl to agree is the idea of 'having a boyfriend'?

you're seen as the bestest friend, someone who'd be around thick or thin, which in a way is something else more valuable to him, but... sucks for u.

Sankai said...

raden, what happens after you learn about his past experiences? Sometimes, learning of others past is rather... gruesome. It still doesn't change anything. Both have to want the same things, else, its going to be a struggle to work it out.

Too much compromise can be tiring and frustrating. You'd hurt each other without knowing it.

Identify what you can and cannot compromise before dwelling into a relationship. Identify the common grounds, which equally important.

Or pray, you'll find your soulmate.

Yes, this is based on my experience.

Sankai said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Evan Owens said...

I know of his past experience... well, the recent past only... seems like he repeats the same pattern over and over again...

Calvin said...

There's no perfect match in this world. There's no perfect couple either. It's all created by us, the silly human beings wishing and hoping that there is.

It's only by tolerance and lots of good communication between the two persons that a solid relationship will work.