Beer Bad

My sister sent me an SMS. She said that my mom’s been nagging. What else is new right? Well, this time, she is nagging to my sister about us. Me and my sister.

That’s new. Normally, she’d take a shot at either one of us. She seemed to have a nagging suspicion that my sister’s been bringing people home. When I say people, I mean guys. Oh, maybe I should explain. My parents and brother lives at the restaurant while my sis stays at the house. Sometimes them kids stay at the house, sometimes they stay at the restaurant.

So my mom thinks that my sister’s been bringing home some guy when the kids are sleeping at the restaurant. It’s true by the way. My sis used to bring her then boyfriend over all the time. Ooh, maybe I should explain also. My sis is getting a divorce from her good for nothing husband and apparently dating a guy for a while.

Then my mom went on a rant about me. That she’s also worried about me. She seems to think that I am also bringing people home. When I say bringing people home, I mean, she thinks I am fucking people. When I say people, I don’t mean guys, but she might be on to me. However, being in denial land is far better, so I am gonna say that she thinks I am bringing girls home. Especially since I am living alone.

Did I tell you about the Langkawi incident? My mom called me while I was vacationing there and asked if I was there for some gay orgy that was happening at one of the smaller islands. Ever since that incident, which was Chinese New Year 2006, my relationship with her had been strained and she goes into this criticizing mode where everything I do, from my life decisions to my hair, is wrong in her eyes.

I guess deep down, mothers have a sense of what’s going on inside their children’s head coz we did stay in them for 9 months. There’s a connection. Just like Margaret Cho’s mom knowing about her sexual ambiguity early on. Hehehhe.

Anyways, my brother is not getting any flack from her. He actually brought his Filipino girlfriend to see her and then went to a hotel and stayed in the same room. Obviously doing the do. But she so did not care. I came up with a theory and my sister kinda agreed. My mother cannot stand being out of the loop. She has this pressing need to know everything.

So if we loop her in to our sordid lives, maybe she’d let up. Coz my brother sinned to her face and she just made with the not knowing. So I guess I should start to introduce to her my friends and stash of men. Maybe bring home one to Kuantan and shag him rotten right in front of her. Maybe then she’ll leave me alone.

Or she could just reach for her wand and kill us both with an Unforgivable Curse. Sigh. I cannot win.