Lover's Walk

Someone commented to me that I am a problem magnet. My life can never be completely problem-free. I completely agree. When I had guy problems, work was fine. Then when I had a boyfriend, work was like hell on hell. Then I was 'let go' from the company and suffered two problems - unemployment and no money. But I got my guy by my side and I was happy. Kinda.

Then, I got meself a job. Well, whaddayaknow, I got dumped. That's right, ladies and ladies, ESS, my beloved platonic boyfriend has left me. For reasons I am inclined to not tell since I've had enough discussing about it with him. He seems to think it's for the best. We're back to square one now. Being friends. Maybe we were never meant to be lovers, especially since one partner did not find the other attractive. Sigh.

Anyways, I guess everybody who thought this was a disaster waiting to happen got it right. Thank God there was no monetary wager, otherwise I'd lose.

I tried so hard to make it work. I've never tried this hard before. But I failed. It's all my fault actually. I tried to get him to commit to me. And not seek out other guys. It's okay for sex, but not for love. He could not commit to me. Maybe I am too controlling? Too pathetic? Too needy? Too bossy? Gives too much? Not fat enough? Not fair enough? About a million other things that I am not to him. I could not even make him happy coz it was apparent that he had been unhappy these past couple of months.

I miss him. He doesn't miss me. He said that he is over me. Over love. Over it all. He is so Katharine McPhee. Well, I am Avril. I had thought long and hard about what song that would definitely capture my state of mind right now. Of course perennial fave Siti Nurhaliza came to mind but her songs are too sad. I am sad sure, but not that sad. Kelly Clarkson maybe? She's too edgy and kinda righteously angry. Since You Been Gone? So not me. Avril's My Happy Ending. Not too sappy, not too sad, not too angry. Acceptance. Saw it coming. Not blaming. Still in love. Know there's no happy ending. Sigh. Here's to us, ESS! And here's to you finding what you're looking for...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done