Him

I have an annoying friend. Well, not really a friend. More like an acquaintance. I don't really know him that well and he doesn't know me that well either but he seems to think that we're good friends. *shrugs*

We got to know each other because of circumstances. I don't think we'd even talk, if we met in other situations. But since the both of us are thrust into the situation, I kinda have to acknowledge his existence.

He's one of those attention-seeking people that would wilt and die if the spotlight isn't on him. When he arrives, he'd make a lot of noise so that you'd know he's coming.

If we are talking about something, he'd manage to eavesdrop and then relate the story to his experience. Anything, you name it, it's happened to him.

And he always hogs our free time telling us all about his marital problems. There seems to be new problem showing up at least once every couple of days. Unfortunately, he never wanted to listen to us. Our problems are not significant enough. I think he doesn't care at all about us. We're just there as a platform for him to complain and bitch about his life and partner. Sigh.

Annoying as hell. Other than telling him straight up that he's effing annoying, what else is there to do? I am going the same route that a lot of colleagues are taking. Pretend he's not there... I mean, do not engage unless he starts to speak to you first...

Selfless

I am not sure the way to go about getting a boyfriend. Does it really involve being cruel and evil? Do I really need to just take what I want? “Want, take, have”?

Is it really that simple? Crush anyone in your way to get what you want? Even if it means driving a wedge between two committed people?

That would require quite a lot of nerve, self confidence and will of steel. Don’t think I have that in me…

I have tried dating others after #1 Crush. I am not willing to go to the extent of actually breaking them up. Even if I wanted to, #1 Crush would have to reciprocate and I really don’t think he thinks of me that way. Even though some of his actions speak louder than words but I won’t bet the farm on that.

So, in the attempt to move on… at first I was hesitant. Did not want to. But I realize it was foolish to stand still when the whole world was moving ahead.

No one has come close though. Made sense since I would put #1 Crush high on a pedestal.

Even after realizing that, I put caution to the wind. I found one guy who I could connect with, who’s slightly older than me and quite independent.

We were together for a while. Even though we haven’t declared it, we were couple-like already. We went to work together, we ate together, we played video games together, basically were living together.

But as Nelly Furtado famously sang, all good things come to an end. He told me, one fine night, that he has found someone. He even brought that someone to meet me. Apparently, he never thought of me as anything other than a friend. I was floored.

This lends weight to my theory that I am a pit stop where people just stop by to fix themselves. Once they’re fine, they’d leave and choose someone else.

About a week into the new relationship, he started complaining to me about the shortcomings of his new partner. Of course secretly I rejoiced. It was like Ms Karma had done her job well. I was avenged. But the dope that I was, I felt sorry for him.

After a while, we started hanging out again, when the new partner was not around. I missed the good old days.

One day, just before the end of last year, he officially broke it off and seemingly headed my way. I knew nothing was gonna happen. But we hung out quite often and I lowered my guard down.

And he came back with a one-two punch. He found someone else. Someone who’s currently in a relationship but unhappy. Oh, the drama…

I put this question forth. Anybody with an answer please lemme know…

Why is it that people are always looking for drama in their lives? There’s a nice, safe choice right in front of you and you ignore him and you’re willing to grab onto someone else who you know won’t be easy and will end up bringing heartache and drama to your life?

I asked him once why he did not want me and why he chose the other one. He said he did not see himself being loyal to me. I suspect I know why, but let’s not linger on technicality. I asked why he chose the other one and he had no clear answer.

I asked if he was happy with the new guy (before he dumped him) and he said he wasn’t. It was problematic and they kept arguing. I asked was I ever problematic and he said that life with me was nice, no arguing and it was fun.

So again, the question remains… why is it that people are willing to risk their hearts and feelings over a volatile relationship when there is a relationship that you know would gel well and should last a whole lot longer?

Does drama really add spice to the relationship? If there’s no problems in the relationship, does it mean that the relationship is stagnant?

Pit Stop signing off…

Help

I have a problem. By the way, the titles of my posts come from a tv show. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's chronological. More often that not, most of the titles actually correspond to the theme of the post. Swear to God I did not look at the title and decide what to write. I decide what to write and then look at the title. Does this mean my life is like a TV show? Hmmm...

Anyway, the problem. I can't stand it when people don't talk to me or are upset with me. Yes, yes, I am so Monica. There's this colleague at work who's not speaking to me. Well, I only find out today because I only saw her today.

Ordinarily, she'd shout out my name or the nickname she calls me whenever I came into view. But today, she completely ignored me.

It all started when she asked for my help with her spankin new Ipod. I was working the weekend shift so she came in to the office and brought CDs and stuff. She even wanted me to download songs from the Internet to upload into her Ipod. I did not have all day. Plus my shift was not over.

But she insisted I help her there and then. She did not care that I was still on the clock. Grrr! When my shift was truly over, I went to help her. She did not know squat about Ipods. So I had to teach her over and over and over again. She still couldn't get it though. Patience, wearing thin.

I was supposed to go to Times Square for bowling and my colleague wanted to leave for Times Square soon. I wanted to hitch a ride with her but the other Ipod-challenged colleague wanted to download off of the Internet. That takes time. So I told her hasta la vista but not before telling her again about how to upload songs into the damn Ipod.

Then I was off but I heard her mumbling about me abandoning her. I so did not care coz I did not wanna be stuck for hours waiting for Internet downloads.

I felt bad but I remembered how she always tried to get me to do her work for her. Her actual paid work so I stuck to my guns and left.

Saw her today in the office and no peep came out of her. And that made me squirm. I also can't really say no to people... yes, it's a big problem... have to find a way to get over this...

Same Time, Same Place

I'm taking on a lot more responsibility at work now. Not that I really want to. My team has been cut down to, well, just me now, so I have to step up so that backlogs won't exist.

I hope I get a raise for this. Or some sort of allowance. Hey, a guy can dream.

Speaking of dreams, a lot of people have been commenting that I have lost weight. I don't think so coz I am still as fat as ever. But I've been able to fit into pants that would never fit before and photos of me do indicate that I am slightly leaner than before.

Hmm... maybe I should work out so that I turn into this stocky guy...

Beneath You

I have it in mind to have a list of somethings to achieve this year, even though I don't think I achieved any resolutions last year. Wait, I did get a 211 in bowling. My resolution was to achieve 210.

Anyways, resolutions are hard to achieve especially since I am too lazy to do much about it most of the time.

But here goes...

Bowling. Gotta get 230 this year. And enter more competitions this year. And get a placing and win something.

Work on my website skills.

Write more.

Be a little more selfish and a lot less selfless.

Look into getting my own place, instead of renting.

Will try to be with family more.

Relationship? Nah. I give up. I guess this is my place in the world. Perpetual best friend. Pit stop where brokenhearted guys go to for repairs and move on to the next relationship. Maybe I should charge eh? :P

Lessons

2008 has been quite the interesting experience.

I started work at a new office. Granted that I started in December, but still new in the new year. Left the old office and colleagues for something new. I did not even know if I could do it, or if I could be accepted... or if I could accept the new colleagues...

Turns out I can do it, I was accepted and I can accept my new colleagues. Some of them are close to me now. Perks of being in media? The free food. Heheheh. Also, found a lot of them likes to enjoy themselves, going out for food or bowling or movies or karaoke.

Also, got to write/edit/produce again, just as I did when I was a student, working on the campus newspaper. I am loving it.

Family-wise, things are getting better with my mom. It's not any worse either. Let's just leave it at that. My dad's jumped on my mom's bandwagon but he doesn't make as much noise as my mom so I can deal.

Love life? Non-existent. Did attempt to forge something in 2008. Both attempts failed miserably. But I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in this world. Also kinda found out that I am not boyfriend material. I think it has something to do with me being such a nice guy. Nice guys are the ones you complain to about your bad-ass boyfriend. That is exactly what's been happening to me.

Sometimes I think it's a good thing coz I get to spend the good times with them and then they go back to whatever existence they had with the lover. Unfortunately, it gets lonely sometimes and I latch on to the wrong people for companionship.

Sigh. We'll see what this new year will bring. Or maybe this is my role in this world. The perpetual best friend. The one you turn to for comfort when your relationship sours but never the one you want. Sigh.

I'll just have to ride this wave out. It's quite fun being on top of the wave overlooking everything. :)

Oh, almost forgot to mention that I have gained some confidence this year. Thanks to the quiet reassurance of my friends. Yes, yes, I am quite pathetic and have no self confidence and enjoy being a wallflower. Still don't but now I don't give a rat's ass. Or try not to give a rat's ass.

Grave

There's a seminar thingy this weekend that I have been recruited to help out. At first, I was told I'd only be providing the copy for the brochure and/or printed materials. But I found myself helping out in ways that I was not supposed to. I am helping out to help my new boss.

Things are not properly planned and everything seems to be busted at the seams. I am quite worried about it. A colleague was put in charge and he is inept. I tried to help in any way that I can but that damned colleague is slowing everything down.

Stupid shit.

He is so drunk with power. Ordinarily, he'd be the punching bag but now that he's been given the responsibility to lead, he took it as a chance to bully others. Especially the three part-time girls.

He ain't manager material. He's a good worker but he can't lead. Has no vision for the future and no contingencies.

I hope everything will fall into place. I've done everything I could to help.

Speaking of seminars, I've been working non-stop for almost 3 weeks now. 7-day work weeks. I am so tired. It's like a cycle. It's been a while since I do 7-day work weeks. Apparently, I am needed but I am not really needed.

But coz the project manager is so inept, me and this other guy had to step up and help. Sigh.

Will take a long leave after the seminar is over. By the way, the first week of December marked my one year with the company. I am so proud. I never thought I'd last that long. Mostly coz of the crazy psycho bitch of a boss. Now that she's gone, everything's getting good.

Also, I've been changing companies many times this past few years. Never been in a company more than 6 months... :)