Once More, With Feelings

I cried today. In the office. In front of my colleagues. Okay, not really in front. At my cubicle. Lucky no one came to see me. I am kinda poopular around here. Apparently, people came up to me for advice. Yeah. Advice. Relationship advice. Of all people, they'd ask me. The screw-up. The one who can't seem to fall for available guys. The one who is kinda masochist and likes to inflict pain on his own heart. Wait... that would make me kinda sadist huh?

Anyways, I've been downloading some songs these past couple of weeks. Especially since my laptop crashed for the second time and everything had been erased.

Downloading randomly mind you. Happened to download Marc Thomas' song called Your Love My Love. And happened to listen to it today. Oh. My. God. The tears just flowed like I was a weepy friend of mine watching Enchanted. Yup, Enchanted. God, he cries watching everything.

In any event, the song reminded me of him. Not Weepy Boy. The other him. Oh, alright. Force it out me why dun you. #1 Crush. There I said it. Sigh.

I know I am supposed to be on this plan to slow it down and such, but I miss him so much. It's been a month since I last saw him. Last stared into his eyes. Last be near him. Last touched him. Emm, the PG-13 touch. The non-notty touch. Last breathed the same air as him. Last took his picture with my trusty camera phone. Last heard his sexy manly voice. Last gave him a happy. Err, the PG-13 happy. Non-notty happy. Gave him a birthday present that he said he loved.

I had not realized how much I miss him and how much he is a part of my daily processes and thoughts. Until I heard this song and the walls came crashing down.

I understand that I have to be strong and not let my feelings for him cloud my mind. I stand to lose everything and get hurt. So I am taking the high road and slowly trying to back away from my own selfish needs. It is not that easy though. #1 Crush is back from his weeks-of-silence. And there's that one particular day looming in the distance...

Tell me what would you do if I
Left on this train tomorrow
Would you chase that train down
To the end of the platform?
And would you leave your love there
For me to return to?
Cause you know Ill be back real soon
And you should know Id do the same for you

I know I just met you
But I’ll never forget you
Because

Your Love is my Love
And your Pain is my Pain
And your Sunshine is my Joy
And your Rain is my Rain

I want to be with you
Hand in hand and face to face
Let’s find a way
Back to this place

Yesterday I found that letter that you wrote me
It was hiding in my coat
I mustve read it bout a hundred thousand times
Well we don’t know where we’re going
And we don’t know what’s in store
But, boy, I really love your kisses and I hope I get a hundred thousand more

I know I just met you
But I’ll never regret you
Because

Your Love is my Love
And your Pain is my Pain
And your Sunshine is my Joy
And your Rain is my Rain

You’re one in a million
But for now I’m gonna put this love away
In a space that we may find again one day

Your Love is forever my Love
And your Pain is forever my Pain
And your Sunshine is my Joy
And your Rain is my Rain

I want to be with you
Hand in hand and face to face
Oh, let's find a way
Back to this place

Marc Thomas - Your Love, My Love