I Was Made to Love You

Work’s been a bitch lately. I haven’t had a proper weekend in weeks. I hate that. I need my cutie sleep.

It’s even worse when election time rolled around. I had to work on nomination day, which was a Sunday, and have been working since. This coming weekend, I am gonna be working too.

One of my closest friends is having a birthday dinner and I thought I could not attend. He sounded so disappointed. My boss had told me she expected me to stay until 10pm everyday in case. But it’s been a few days of the election campaigning and everything seems to be okay. So I got to go home at 7 or so and I also got to go home early in time for the dinner. Thank God.

And unfortunately, I can’t take a break after the election still. I am being attached to one of the divisions at the parent company for two weeks. Sigh. Guess my break will be due in April. Until then, let’s hope I don’t keel over and die…

Crush

It’s Valentine’s Day. My mission to find me a partner or at the very least a date for VD (no, not Venereal Disease) has failed. I am alone yet again.

Sigh. Whatever. It’s no big. Okay, it’s kinda big. I know people would say that VD is tacky, just a holiday invented by Hallmark to sell more cards etc etc etc. But I feel the need to go out and have a romantic dinner. I am 22 this year (plus 8) and I have not been on a proper VD outing yet. Wait, maybe I have. Once. But that was with a boy who was still questioning so it was not totally a date.

Actually, I have been seeing a couple of guys. Okay, a few guys. But nothing serious yet. Just dinner, and then ‘dessert’. Hehehehe. But either they don’t care about VD or they just did not think I am good enough to warrant a VD outing… sad now…

Anyways, this morning I was sending out Happy VD messages and one of the guys I was seeing responded with this statement, “That’s not our culture…”

Holier than thou much? I hate when people do that. This is all about personal choice right? If you feel no need to celebrate VD or anything else, you don’t need to be all uptight about it. Just say politely that you don’t believe in VD and thank the person for the message anyway. Sigh.

I responded to that message. I said that there are plenty of non-Malay culture thingies that we do every day. He responded with “That’s just how we are, nothing we can do about it. Just don’t get carried away and start celebrating things.”

WTF?? Why does it always have to be about being gay? I was talking about life stuff. Everyday stuff. If you really look at it, almost everything in life is non-Malay. I am talking about my life in general. My work clothes, my everyday casual clothes, not culturally Malay. I don’t go around wearing Baju Melayu. I don’t eat Malay food all the time. I don’t play congkak or batu seremban or wau or wayang kulit. I don’t practice Silat or use the kris. In fact, I’d bet all the money I have that the guy don’t either.

Sigh. Why the need to be all patriotic and stuff when it’s all just a cover and superficial? I don’t like that. My respect and/or liking for him has gone down a couple notches.

Speaking of, did you guys read the news about Aretha being upset at Beyonce? Come on. Just because Beyonce called Tina the Queen? Apparently Aretha IS the Queen, a title bestowed upon her by the industry. Queen of Soul to be exact. Beyonce had a mind of her own and feels that Tina Turner deserves the title of Queen. Plus, egotistical much? Expecting everyone to call her The Queen? Sigh…

Blood Ties

My luck has not been good lately. I guess the leprechauns forgot to pay me a visit or something. I lost my digital camera on an outing. My money literally vanished from my wallet. Either that, or someone dipped his hand into my wallet and stole it. Hope a Vengeance Demon, I mean, Justice Demon would serve up some justice there.

Anyways, the unlucky streak came again when I got stood up by #1 Crush. Yup, you heard right. He’s not as perfect as I had said huh? Of course not. No one is perfect. Sigh. But he’s quite close… hehehehe… okay, so maybe not close… I am biased…

We made plans to meet up Sunday for a matinee and lunch, even though he was going to Ipoh on Saturday and have to attend his company’s annual dinner Sunday night. Yes, he was squeezing me in his busy sched. Yeah, I was all with the “Awww…” too…

I had slight reservation about it though coz Saturdays are normally my Guys Night Out with the guys and we normally stay up until the wee hours of the morning. I might not be able to wake up in the morning because we were meeting up at 10. And I was right. We hung out until 5.30 in the morning and I dragged myself out of bed to go to Kelana Jaya LRT station and I arrived by 9.40. Waited until almost 10.30 and I send him an SMS.

He called back and said that he was sleeping and he got in at 6 am. He then asked me why I did not message him when I was coming. We already confirmed at 10 so I did not feel the need to be a secretary. So I went back home and he went back to bed. I was slightly tiffed coz I had to wake up early on a Sunday and waited for nothing. But I was more crushed because I did not get to spend time with him. Huhuhu…

He did apologize though. On Monday, he apologized again. And wanted to make it up to me. I told him a movie date would suffice so we made plans to hang out Saturday afternoon. Which led to the whole Switchfoot thing.

Yes, now we’re on Switchfoot. My colleague had been totally avoiding the subject, every time I asked her about it. She insisted that tickets would be available. I kept asking and she kept blowing me off. I had a feeling that the ticket might not be available. She did not pick up my calls the night before and on Saturday. I told #1 Crush of the sitch, that the tickets might not be available. Soooo did not wanna disappoint him. We made a B plan of going to the movies instead.

The lady did not follow through on her promise and she told me I had to go there and use my media pass and I had to masquerade #1 Crush as an intern. I did not like the odds so I called #1 Crush. He was of the same opinion. So I asked him if he still wanted to hang with me and go to the movies. He sounded hesitant, then finally saying his friends are gathering for karaoke and that karaoke had been his B plan all along. Sigh. Thought he’d wanna take the opportunity to make it up to me for standing me up the weekend before.

He’d rather hang out with his friends karaoke-ing. Who was I to stop him? But there’s this voice at the back of my mind keeps telling me that there’s a reason why he’d blow me off again, even after standing me up. Maybe I was just deluding myself into thinking that he likes me and likes hanging out with me. I totally enjoy his company but he might not feel the same way. I hope that’s not the case but with the stuff that has happened, I don’t really know for sure. Am so confused…

Checkpoint

I am writing this from the office. Yes, I have to work!! It's Federal Territory Day and I have to work!! I even have to work Saturday and Sunday!

No big really coz I get to replace these three days at a different time. But I freaked out a bit about working Saturday coz of the Switchfoot concert. Coz of the going to the concert with a certain someone.

I told him to go ahead to the concert without me if I ended up working late Saturday but he refused to go without me, for reasons known only to him. But I am going to be all 'glass half full' and say that he is being sweet. Altogether now... Awwww...

When I asked my boss about it, she snapped at me for having excuses when it comes to work. In front of people. So I waited for her to go back to her room, then asked her again, telling her about the concert and that I am going with that special someone. Yes, yes, I told her but skipped on the details. She assumed it's a girl. An actual girl. What... #1 Crush is a man... for the most part... hehehehe...

We checked the time and found that the event was only until 12. Thank Goddess. So it's still on. I hope #1 Crush won't fall asleep or anything and stand me up again. Oh, wait, I haven't told you guys this story yet. Well, I'm gonna. Watch this space.

Oh, and yes, the tickets have yet to materialize but my colleague assures me that the tickets are accounted for. We have to go to the convention center and hook up with her friend to get it. Hopefully there's no problem. Otherwise #1 Crush might get pissed. *crosses finger*

Triangle

Switchfoot’s performing this Saturday at KL Convention Center!! And I am going to the concert!!! But more importantly, I am going with… care to take a wild guess? Yup, #1 Crush. Apparently, he is a big fan of Switchfoot but he failed to mention it to me before.

He said he did. I don’t recall any mention of Switchfoot. Anyways, I told him I am going and will be getting a free ticket coz of my new connections. I love my job. Ehehehhe.

Oh, and I was supposed to go with another friend but he had a work thing so I was in the market for a concert buddy. #1 Crush seemed like the perfect one right? Yup. But he could not really afford to buy the ticket due to prior commitments so I looked into it. Who knows, maybe I could get another free ticket.

Then I found out that the lady that was getting me the ticket had to work so I could possibly get hers. She said it’s possible so I told #1 Crush. Oh yeah, it’s not 100% set in stone yet. I am keeping my fingers crossed…

Into the Woods

Not to bitch at a new job at this early a stage but I kinda got some problems with work. Nothing too drastic or earth shattering but it's bugging the hell out of me. I know, I know, I could stand to be a little more proactive and stand up for myself and it's not like I'm such a pushover, it's just that I don't really like conflict and once a conflict emerges, work sitch will start to be uncomfortable and unbearable. Sigh.

Firstly, my pay is not that high. I got over that. But now that I might have to burn the midnight oil (I actually did a couple of times) and will have to work weekends, I am thinking that I got the short end of the stick here. Other people in the office gets a slightly smaller salary than mine but they got paid for overtime. This Sunday, I have to go outstation for a work thing and if I recall correctly, there's no meal allowance or anything allocated to me. Other colleagues, the ones that have to go out of the office all the time, gets some sort of allowance. This problem, I'll deal with later. This outstation thingy is a one-off thing I think. But working late might be a reality soon enough. I should get meal allowance or transport allowance or something.

Secondly, my colleagues are not doing their jobs. I would end up doing their jobs for them. The admin guy is never at his cubicle. And as soon as he goes and disappears, there would be a need for him. Errands and stuff. I'd be the one sent to go get a letter or a package or deliver something to another unit in the building. Nothing to do with my job right? Sigh. That's not the worst of it. This one other colleague, keeps insisting that I do her work for her. Yup, that's right.

She pretends to not know how to do stuff and out of the goodness of my heart, I'd help out. At first, I did not mind because I did not have anything to do and did not even have a computer yet so I helped out of sheer boredom. Now, I actually have somethings to do and yet she still asks me to do stuff for her. Ordinarily, I don't mind doing write-ups or Powerpoint presentations or whatever but if you want my help, you gotta do your work first, then I'll add on. Noooooooooooooooo. She wants me to write everything. Her excuse? "I'm not that good with Powerpoint" or "I don't know how to write a letter."

This, coming from a girl who's supposed to be the marketing person. How has she survived as the marketing person before this? Maybe she did what she's doing with me now, getting other people to do it for her. Sigh. Nice girl but she needs to do her own job. Hmm, come to think of it, I do recall other people, friends and whatnot, asking me to do the same thing for them. Why? Just because I know how to write? Everyone can write. I ain't that special. I know, I know, I should just tell these people to shove it up somewhere but as I did a few days ago, I'll deflect from helping. Busy with my own work. Hehheheh. Yup, I really don't like conflict. But no one gets to walk all over me and gets away with it. Doormat, I am not. I think...

Listening to Fear

The New Year is upon us once again. This has been quite a year for me, but not as tumultuous as 2006.

I started out the year with great friends, doing PR work for an oil & gas company, kinda seeing someone, kinda avoiding my mother… basically as good as it gets. After a couple of months, the ‘kinda seeing’ turned into an actual relationship. Things are looking up.

Not for long though. Just as my love life was stabilizing, my work life went down the drain. I made an error in judgment that led to me being fired. Okay, I was not fired. I was asked to leave. Technicality…

I was unemployed for a month before I was recruited by my fag hag’s twin sister. Lucky me. I thought I was going to be unemployed for months again. Luck was a lady they say and that lady was a bitch. Moody bitch at that. She got me the job but then decided to dissolve my relationship.

Yup, just as my life was getting back on track, I was dumped. The reason? He was afraid that he would forever be known a no good gold-digging tramp. I told him that was a lousy excuse. First of all, who cares what other people think and second of all, prove them all wrong. Prove to them that you’re not just using me for my money (even though I don’t have that much money). Sigh. It was like talking to a wall.

My life sank into a depression and with it, came the migraines. I had to take some emergency leave and stuff and that got me in a bit of hot water at work. I asked him to give me some money when I was unemployed but he refused to. I guess our time together meant nothing to him. The fact that I always went out of my way to help him also did not register at all. I was even more depressed. The migraines came back and brought some friends along with. My friends were there for me though. I am eternally grateful for them. And they were right about him all along. I just refused to believe it coz I was blinded by love. Sigh.

Just when I thought I was stuck in that depressed rut, along came him. The guy I’ve dubbed #1 Crush. In the few weeks I’ve known him, he managed to bring me out of my funk and I was able to function normally again. But then, I fell for him and that brought on another bout of depression. The good kind. The kind that I don’t mind because it’s all me and not caused by him.

Anyways, things at work were improving because the migraines and friends went away and I was able to go to work normally. #1 Crush and I were also doing great. I mean, we were getting along fine. Until my friends started ragging on us. Okay, so I made the tragic mistake of telling them how I felt. How was I supposed to know they’d not stop teasing me (and him) about it? Mercilessly. I don’t mind the teasing because it’s true. I heart #1 Crush. But he did not feel the same way about me. We’re just friends. He should not be subjected to such torment, especially since he has a lover already. Sigh.

So, towards the end of the year, I switched jobs yet again. I have grown to love my colleagues. My job is nice also. And have I mentioned that some of my colleagues are effing cute? And that I get to meet celebs like Sheikh Muszaphar? Sigh…

Anyways, thank you everyone who made my year a living hell and then turned it around and made it bearable again. To my ex-colleagues at the oil & gas company, even though it ended the way it did, I still look back fondly of our time together. I got to go to Singapore!

To my ex, thanks for our time together, even though now it felt like it was all a lie but a lie that I needed.

To my friends, I love you guys and thanks for being there for me, even though you guys are quite evil and nasty and devoid of human feelings.

To my fag hag and twin sis, thanks for hiring me and giving me a chance.

To my ex-colleagues, you guys made life at the office slightly pleasant. To my current colleagues, hopefully what we have now will last.

Lastly, to #1 Crush, thanks for coming into my life just when I needed it the most. I am not sure if you know this but you’ve made me more confident and slightly happier that I ever was. For that, I am eternally grateful. Hope you won’t take this the wrong way, but I love you…